recurrent theme

I guess things are winding down before christmas, because I don't have a lot to do right now. I have a clinic this afternoon that could be quite busy, but for now, I'm at a loss as to what to do. The other resident I'm working with thought we should get these really horrible forms done while we had time, so on friday we ordered all these charts so we could complete them. Unfortunately it seems the people in records are on some kind of holiday because so far - nothing. Oh well. You can only do what you can do.

Seeing you
You are a stranger
So I observe you
Through eyes trained to see
The flaws, the not right
You move your head
And I wonder
Seizure activity or tourette's
I shouldn't analyse
I need to train myself
To see you

By the way

A movie suggestion for everyone: Reefer Madness (the musical)
Try to know something about the background/basis before watching.
I know it made my psych term, much more enjoyable, walking along, humming "reefer madness, reefer madness"

missing something

I think I'm missing something. There must be something that I am supposed to be doing right now, but I'm not sure what it is.. So here I am, updating my blog again, and trying desperately not to think about how hungry i am (i MUST refrain from naughty snack food). Okay, the more I think about it the worse and worse it gets. Boredom and hunger are very close companions. They hound your heels together.

It is hard to be contemplative at work, I think this kind of environment doesn't lend itself to imagination and thoughtfulness. Which is probably a bit silly considering where I am.

RANT FOR THE DAY: I hate centrelink, even though I am no longer receiving there tainted money, I am still affected by their inefficiency and annoying evilness. They have sent me a bill for 2003. Like I can remember back that far. They are saying that they overpaid me because of something to do with my husbands pay. We spent HOURS back then on the phone to them trying to get that all worked out and right, then 2.5 years later they're like, woops, we paid you too much! So here is my plan: I may eventually pay them, but first I will make sure they have to use time and resources proving to me that I owe them the money. I want to get my $700 worth out of them. Make sure that in the end, it hasn't actually been worth their while!! I was planning on calling them in every lunch break, just for a chat, but it turns out the hospital phones don't work well with those 13 XXXX numbers, and mobile is too expensive (and I actually don't quite care enough to do that).

For a friend, I've been thinking of lately:

A Long Time Ago*
I didn't tell you
I thought it was wrong
That it would bite you on the arse
I was scared you'd want it more
I held your hand
Pretended smiles at your happiness
And frantically worried behind your back
Even now I don't know
Was I right or wrong to hold my tongue
I thought you'd push me away
If I refused to support you
And I could see the ending
Written in the heavens
And I wanted to be there for you
To hold you
When the world fell apart
*for 2002

still here

I am still at the hospital.

Words unspoken (poem for happiness)
Words inside a chest, unspoken
Speak of things that are not broken
But you are not there, you are not there
All the words to show I care
Cannot heal the wounds you bear
So you are not there

Words inside my chest, unspoken
Speak of things that are not broken
I will keep them here, I'll keep them here
I'll speak of hurt, pain and fear
Things that you can bear to hear
I'll keep them here

saturday

this is such a waste. I am here at work, and we only have two patients really, so there isn't really 4 hours of work to do, but i have to stay till 12. I do feel somewhat guilty, blogging on work time, but then i think of all those days I came early and never put in overtime. I can't believe intern year is nearly over. Overall, I think it's been better then I expected. I've been fairly lucky with most of my terms (except starting on annual leave). This is a fairly fun term at the moment (general surg - breast and endocrine) because i have another intern to keep me company most days. When there isn't much work, we wander around being co-dependent doing everything together, even though we don't need to. I like that. Having company is fun, and somewhat reassuring.

Next year I'm off to Melbourne for a year:) Think of the theatre, the food, the coffee. *contented sigh* Hopefully it will be everything I hoped for:)

Now the really important news. I have an imac G5. It is sooooo pretty. I love it sooo much. I've barely used it, having been too busy since i've got it to do anything. And as yet I have no way of connecting at the internet, but it has a remote control, so none of that even matters. Unfortunately, it means Oscar is very jealous, as I'm quite protective of my computer. He sits in his cage and makes his little angry noise (sort of like going Rah). Then I let him out, but he's not going to be allowed to steal any keyboard arrows or letters or numbers or anything.

I have endeavoured to write something on every rotation reflecting a little bit of what they made me think, but i don't think they all made it on to my blog. So at the end of this rotation, i will try and put them up, as my summary of first year internship. I'm pretty bored right now, I always find it so hard to write anything at all interesting if I myself feel bored, which is a waste because it's the only time I have time to write anything these days.

Oh well, perhaps I should go check my patients chest xray and see about getting their central line changed....

long time, no post

Well it's been a while. I did 10 weeks in psych down at redlands. I didn't mind it, reasonably healthy patients, and I only had to use my duress alarm once, and it wasn't for anything to horrific. I came out pretty unscathed, although what some of the patients have been through and have to face is pretty awful. I didn't much enjoy the 14 hour ward call shifts, but that's life. I'm not sure I'd be too keen to be a medical patient at redlands, but the psych ward's pretty good.

I'm now on breast and endocrine, it's my general surg term. I'm pretty convince that breasts are merely cancer incubators, but I guess I'm seeing a pretty skewed population. I think the worst thing for these women is that most of them seem to know someone who has died of breast cancer, so the very thought of having it is terrifyingly awful.

Recently I have been thinking a lot of Indonesia and all the things I saw and experienced there. I wish I could go back and see how Banda Aceh is rebuilding itself and how the people are managing the awful trauma they have been through. I almost feel like there has been so many natural disasters this year that we quickly abandoned the last and moved on.

Banda Aceh
How are you my foreign friend
I met you when you were bruised and broken
I put a bandaid on a tiny cut
All I could do
While you haemorraged
And moaned and swooned
Under the weight of your brokenness
How I wish I could return to your shores
To see if your scars are healing
To put my finger on your pulse
And know you are living
To see the secrets of your mind
To see your tomorrow
***********************