Life

Sometimes life is all confusion and decisions are hard to come by. You can barely even decide what's going to be right or wrong let alone decide which path to take. It feels like that now. My head space has been full of scenarios and thoughts. Trying to work out why I'm so conflicted about this. Quote of the day "No man may be a servant to two masters: for he will have hate for the one and love for the other" (Jesus)

Anyway, lighter topic. Went fishing again on the weekend with my boss. Wasn't quite as successful as last time, but I still had a fantastic time. I saw whales. I saw flying fish. And quite frankly, the flying fish excited me more. They are almost mythical to me. When I was little all I wanted to do was to be Dr Dolittle when I grew up. I wanted to be surrounded by animals that were free and wild and loved me and helped me. The animals I loved the most were the flying fish, I wasn't even convinced they were real prior to this expedition. But as we sped along in the boat, I would frequently see in our wake, these fish jump up, wiggle their tales, and glide for ages and ages above the water, looking aerodynamically just like a bird - they flew - they didn't jump out of the water - they flew. I strained my eyes and my back constantly searching to see more of them (considering that facing backwards made me feel mildly sick and that my chances of actually successfully holding on to the boat were much increased by looking forwards and seeing the sudden "woomf" that was coming - looking backwards really was some effort for me - I did well!). I caught some fish too, which was fun and has been yummy, but not quite as many as last time. Blast the moon or lack there of as it so happens. Still was a wonderfully windless waveless trip, and when I got back I had a shower, had dinner (family came to help eat the fish which was nice), and fell into that beautiful exhausted sleep - for 11 hours!

I love being unconscious. I don't know why but I do, and the more exhausted I am, the better. When I had a sedation for a procedure, I loved the certainty of the anaesthetic. I don't know if it's because I dream so much and vividly that going to sleep is almost like another life, an adventure, but there's something wonderful about falling into a deep sleep that I find fantastic. Matt hates to sleep, feels he wastes time, he does it because he has to. I'm totally the opposite. Anyway.....

Rachem - sorry I missed your party. I'm a total slacker, blowing off your friends for a fishing trip is not a nice thing to do! Sorry also to my beautiful niece and nephew, who's dedication I also didn't attend as I was fishing. I still love everyone, but because I'm not God, I can't control the weather, and so I have to go fishing when the weather is good. It's some kind of rule! And I am very sorry to Becky, because I had no idea she was so awesome at guilt trips (I hoped you saved some of that abilitiy for Paul because it is totally his fault!) :)

Mmm... my posts are getting a bit mundane, my life has perhaps been to nice, and without angst, I probably don't write so well.

Will have to wait and write when I'm in a bad mood. Which isn't today because I had a lovely dinner with my parents, followed by a lovely chat with my dad. All seems good with the world.