I will remember

I will remember my youth
I will not forget like you
I will put myself back in that place
Dive headlong into the swirl of emotions
That sucked me to a dark place
I will remember

I will remember how it felt
To have my heart so strong
Deceive my mind
To hear it's song
"You are not loved"
"You are alone"
"You are different"
"You can never be understood"

To sit in my room
And contemplate
My endless questions
While the sharp end of a compass
Danced a ditty on my hand

I will fall into the pit
It dug for my mind
I will remember
My youth

For otherwise
How can I understand
Or gaze without judging
On the parade that straggles
(Or is dragged by frustrated parents)
Through my door

These not children
These not adults
This vacuum in society
That starve themselves
And cut themselves
And hate themselves
And love themselves
And destroy themselves

How can I connect
Unless I remember
With all the vividness and pain
The deceit my heart
Played on my mind
When I existed in their vacuum

So I will remember
My youth
And keep my eyes open
To what lies beneath their surface

State of Origin

I am hoping for a white wash this year!!!!! That was totally awesome.

I will say no more, but to make this a confusing post, and to contradict my enjoyment of tonights violence, I will leave you with Leunig's take on football

Exerpt from "The Curly Pyjama Letters" by Michael Leunig:
"Dear Mr Curly,

I'm still a little shaken, having witnessed for the first time, something called a ‘football match’. It was awful. Two opposing teams of men, with great skill and energy, thwarted and violated each other, quite obsessively and shamelessly in full view of a large crowd for more than one and a half hours.

Such greed and desperate snatching I've never seen before. Such injury, sadism, and sabotage perpetuated in the cause of advantage over one's fellows. I saw not the slightest kindness or act of good faith pass between the teams.

Very interestingly, the crowd was utterly approving of it all this trouncing and hurting and deceiving - in fact, it seemed to thrive on it and became radiant when the spectacle was most violent …..

….. Anyway, the duck had a terrible day, but as usual, took the spectacle of human madness and sickness in its stride, or should I say, “in its waddle”. As we know, ducks don't stride; nor are they strident!

Good wishes dear friend.

Yours truly and in a waddling spirit,
Vasco Pyjama."

Make Me Small

I breathe
Tears in the air
Water falls
Rivlets in my hair
I'm here
But no one's there

I sit
Glass is all around
My mouth
Moves without sound
I'm tied
Firmly to the ground

Take me in your arms
Keep me safe, keep me calm
Speak words into my heart
Like I'm small again
Father God I need you here
In my darkness, in my fear
The light just got too bright
Make me small again

I dreamt
In night I was free
Redid
Moments haunting me
I woke
Didn't want to see

Please
Take me in your arms
Keep me safe, keep me calm
Speak words into my heart
Like I'm small again
Father God I need you here
In my darkness, in my fear
The light just got too bright
Make me small again

When I'm small, there is more space
For your light and for your grace
You are welcome in this place
Make me small again

Maiden Voyage

Yesterday we took the tinny for it's maiden voyage. We launched it in the Eudlo and motored out on to Maroochy River. We ignored the water that was coming in as it was a pretty slow leak, and even when we were on the water for hours, we didn't run into any trouble with it. Unfortunately I was asked to get out the map a little too late and we promptly ran into a sandbar, and the good news is that the paddles work quite well. The boys (Matt and his dad) were able to paddle us (Matt's mum and myself) off the sandbar as we ate fresh blueberry muffins and sipped our Monk's pear tea. It was quite peaceful without the motor on. After taking the boat for a run (and me occasionally driving in circles because I had some tiny steering issues), we anchored and fished for a little while. I caught a few small fish that all had to be thrown back. The highlight for me was when I unhooked my flathead from my hook and wondered why it was still dangling there in mid air when the hook was out - which was when I noticed that the blood worm had it's pincers in the lip of the fish and was holding it there! Now that's a good worm!!! We did a mad chase for a while after a swimmer crab that was dancing around the water around the boat just out of arms reach mocking us, but unfortunately it eventially just swam in deep. The rain eventually got a little too heavy for comfort and we headed to shore. I think it was a lovely maiden voyage in our tinny:)