I will remember

I will remember my youth
I will not forget like you
I will put myself back in that place
Dive headlong into the swirl of emotions
That sucked me to a dark place
I will remember

I will remember how it felt
To have my heart so strong
Deceive my mind
To hear it's song
"You are not loved"
"You are alone"
"You are different"
"You can never be understood"

To sit in my room
And contemplate
My endless questions
While the sharp end of a compass
Danced a ditty on my hand

I will fall into the pit
It dug for my mind
I will remember
My youth

For otherwise
How can I understand
Or gaze without judging
On the parade that straggles
(Or is dragged by frustrated parents)
Through my door

These not children
These not adults
This vacuum in society
That starve themselves
And cut themselves
And hate themselves
And love themselves
And destroy themselves

How can I connect
Unless I remember
With all the vividness and pain
The deceit my heart
Played on my mind
When I existed in their vacuum

So I will remember
My youth
And keep my eyes open
To what lies beneath their surface