My Parasite

I feel like I should be a swirl of colourful happy emotions
I should feel all nurturing and excited
My mind and heart should be consumed
But I feel sick and bored of the whole idea already

I sat down, and I wanted to say I felt all those things
I really dug down deep
But all I felt was nausea

I know theoretically I can do this
And someone said the insticts come
This doesn't seem like a fun adventure
It feels like the end of my life as I know it