I am feeling quite angry about my new roster. I am basically being used as a fill in at the Angliss Hospital for all the other O&G residents, which means it really is a relieving job and I already have a relieving job at the end of the year for 10 weeks. It means I have a very very shit roster. Also I told them I needed to have a weekend off for my sister's wedding, including the monday because it was on Sunday and in Brisbane, and they gave me the weekend, but not the monday (and I work till 9pm the friday before so I can't even get an evening flight out on the friday). They said they will change the monday shift, but they wouldn't swap my week with someone else's who has three days off after the weekend, because it will screw their roster up and the rosters are done if 5 week blocks. Except of course my roster's not, it's all over the shop with random shifts, but that doesn't seem to matter. I hate Melbourne today. I hate melbourne today with everything in me. I wish I were still in Brisbane.
I am listening to a Sixpence None The Richer song called "The Waiting Room", the first lyrics in the song go:
"Fight 'til your fists bleed, baby
Beat the fate-walls enclosing you, maybe
God will unlock the cage of learning for you
Fight 'til your fists bleed, baby
Kick and scream at the wicked things, maybe
God will unlock the door you need to walk through"
I feel like being stuck in the public hospital system you are always fighting fate-walls that enclose you, that you have no control of your own life. I guess that's why I'm so desperate to be out and to try and take back some of the control of my life that being in medical school and then the public hospital have stolen from me. I feel like quiting medicine. Today I wish I weren't a doctor, and I wish I didn't have to go to work. I am so jack of the whole thing. So sick of screaming, demanding people. Sick of slack specialties who don't do their own work and leave it all for the evening people with no proper instructions.
I am listening to a Sixpence None The Richer song called "The Waiting Room", the first lyrics in the song go:
"Fight 'til your fists bleed, baby
Beat the fate-walls enclosing you, maybe
God will unlock the cage of learning for you
Fight 'til your fists bleed, baby
Kick and scream at the wicked things, maybe
God will unlock the door you need to walk through"
I feel like being stuck in the public hospital system you are always fighting fate-walls that enclose you, that you have no control of your own life. I guess that's why I'm so desperate to be out and to try and take back some of the control of my life that being in medical school and then the public hospital have stolen from me. I feel like quiting medicine. Today I wish I weren't a doctor, and I wish I didn't have to go to work. I am so jack of the whole thing. So sick of screaming, demanding people. Sick of slack specialties who don't do their own work and leave it all for the evening people with no proper instructions.
posted by earthkissed | 12:22 pm
2 Comments:
i know what you mean, i hate that feeling. you're at someone elses beck and call for what seems like forever and you can't make your own plans and do what you want when you want. sometimes saying 'give me the worst you can dish out' and diving into the work with glee is the best thing to do and ignore everyone else around you (except matthew of course) and pretend to be busy till it's all over. but that doesn't work in all cases. hope you find some silver linings floating around :)
:( I know hugs won't make it better, but *hug* anyway!
I wish we could help, or at least be there to see you and be someone else you can vent with, and show your angryness to and maybe make it feel a *little* bit better :)
My thoughts and sympathy and psychic support are with you!
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