Parenthood

Xander is now 8 months old, I have been nurturing him and loving him for 17 months. I have a new perspective on life I didn't have before. So now I think is an appropriate time to say sorry to my parents. Sorry for those difficult years where I was ungrateful to the point of hatefullness. Where I questioned your love to me and said hurtful things.

When I gaze at Xander as he breastfeeds and he gazes back at me with that trust and peace in his eyes, or when his face lights up at the sight of Matthew, I know these are the moments that I will hold dear to my heart. But of course, Xander will not remember them at all. And I just can't imagine how I will feel when it goes from this moment to those defiant years where they look back at you with angry eyes and ask you if you really even love them. How those moments must have hurt my parents.

So thank you. Thank you for all the love and nurturing you poured into me from before I can even remember. Thank you for always having my best interests at heart. Thank you for all the continued love and nurturing you still provide 30 years on. Sorry for all the times I threw all that back in your face. I love you both.